Benefits of Boredom
Let’s just say it out loud: There is something in us—as parents—that cannot handle hearing, “I’m bored.” Why does this phrase hit such a nerve? Probably because we feel responsible, and we feel like we should fix it. What’s a mom to do?
Often, we react with such an intense fury that one would think our children were going to self-destruct without our intervention; moms start listing ideas, pulling out crafts, adding things to our Amazon Cart; dads suggest snacks and offer screens. What we don’t seem to do is pause....Perhaps the moment of “I’m bored,” something really important is happening? I wonder if we paused and reminded ourselves that boredom is REALLY ok!?
The Truth About Boredom (That Most of Us Miss)
We’ve been conditioned to think boredom is a problem, but research is starting to reveal just the opposite! Researchers are now finding out that boredom is actually a signal that your child’s brain is saying: “What I’m doing isn’t working... I need to create something new.” (National Geographic) When boredom sets in, and we rush to rescue too quickly, we interrupt the process. Fixing boredom could be causing your child more harm than good! (gasp!)
The Moment Most Parents Interrupt
When complaining kicks in and discomfort rises, your child is perfectly positioned for growth. I know... the tension, while a bit exhausting, is necessary. We, as parents, must deal with our own discomfort and allow our children to feel the stretch. They will push back. Who really enjoys being stretched, right? Let the whining run its course, withstand the “I’m bored” mantra. Wait it out. No swooping in, no saving the day. They need FREE time! Let them know you hear them while affirming their ability to find something to do.
Most parents wait it out for about 5 minutes, maybe 10? But science has found that when children are given 17-minutes of boredom, they will move from discomfort to creativity! Hallelujah! Minute 17 is the “ah-ha” moment, their little brains open up to possibility. If we step in too soon, we rob our children of their own potential!
What Happens When We Don’t Fix It
We all remember the summers in the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. Nostalgia is the hot topic on social media nowadays. Children of that generation grabbed their bikes and set out to find friends, spent the day making up new games, and returned as the sun went down. Parents didn’t rescue kiddos, they said: “figure it out”. They meant it, and it served them well! Interestingly enough, science is starting to back up the benefits of boredom; these really were the glory days! Boredom is often the gateway to creativity—not the enemy of it.
Here’s what recent studies show:
Boredom helps kids develop creativity, imagination, and problem-solving skills (Healthline)
Unstructured time builds independence and resilience(KidsMentalHealth Foundation)
Kids naturally learn how to self-regulate and figure things out when left to it (ScienceDirect)
Why This Feels So Hard for Us
So why is boredom a lost art? Well, parents have been trained to believe that good parents = engaged parents and engaged parents = parents who entertain. Plot twist, you can really be a great parent without being your child’s cruise director! Most parents feel the tug to entertain far more in the summer, a pressure to help their children make memories, plan activities, and keep everyone happy.
Here’s the reality: while you are not your child’s cruise director, you are their leader. Take the opportunity to disciple your children in character and creativity. Offer a few high-level ideas here and there and let your kiddos figure it out. Building creative problem solvers will not only relieve unnecessary parenting pressure, but it will, more importantly, build a skill your child will appreciate for years to come.
What Kids Actually Need This Summer
Your children do not need a perfectly planned schedule, nor do they need constant stimulation. They need space, solitude, maybe a few ideas or suggestion and room to think.
When kids are given unstructured time:
their brains wander (which sparks ideas) (Healthline)
they start creating their own games
they solve their own problems
They build confidence in their own choices. They will learn they are capable of figuring things out without you.
A Reframe for Summer
This summer, instead of asking “How do I keep my kids entertained?”
Try asking: “How do I create space for them to create?”
It’s not about:
packed calendars
constant outings
eliminating boredom
It’s about raising kids who:
are patient in discomfort
create something from nothing
think for themselves
problem solve
One Last Encouragement
The next time you hear: “I’m bored...” don’t try to make the magic! Toss out a few of these thoughts, and just maybe they will stick. Let it be and remind yourself that something good is about to happen.
Family Resources
Free Time
Create a piece of art from trash, nature or something completely unexpected!
Family Time
Bake something! Find a new recipe and treat your family or a neighbor!
Learn Time
Read 1, 5, or 10 picture books or chapters a day! Track your reading list!
Love Time
Write a letter or draw a picture for someone who may be lonely. Mail it!
Parent Overview
We know screens are the default answer to boredom for many tweens and teens. Check out this episode of The Informed Parent Podcast as a prompt for a great family conversation. (Apple Podcast | Spotify)
Family Outing
Plant a small veggie garden or container garden.
For more from Suzanne Phillips and Beacon Parent, check out:
Website | Instagram | The Parent Club | The Informed Parent Podcast